Caught up with a Lawyer Friend (LF) from uni days over the weekend as he finally relented and agreed to share his story as a corporate lawyer with Singapore Hall of Shame. LF did pretty well in law school, graduating with second upper hons and joined a big local law firm straight after he graduated. After 6 years, he joined an international firm as the legal scene in Singapore liberalized with more players joining the corporate scene. Recently, he joined a local law firm because the work in his previous firm was just too hectic and chances of an Asian rising to the top of the hierarchy is slim.
SHS: When did you start working as a lawyer? What is your area of specialty?
Lawyer friend: I started working in a local law firm in 2001 handling mostly corporate law, public listings and mergers and acquisitions. That was the boom time for S-chips or Chinese companies listed on the Singapore Exchange but it has dried up now. Back then, the regulatory framework wasn't that tight and it was relatively easy for Chinese companies to list in Singapore, to get money from investors. Not all the companies had great assets or reputable cash flow.
SHS: Are you saying that there's some shady deals going on here?
LF: Well, not really. This is Singapore and everything still has to be done by law, regulations, documentation. But humans are infinitely creative, so there are ways to get around. The system can never be smarter than humans. Some of them are credible companies but many are borderline cases. With their track record, many simply cannot make the mark in Hong Kong or New York stock exchanges.
I think in the beginning, Singapore really wanted to be an international financial hub like Hong Kong, but we cannot compete on that level, so we set a lower standard and regulatory framework to attract capital and businesses. Naturally, some of these aren't that great businesses. So one has to be quick, make a fast buck and pass on the sack of potatoes. Unfortunately, quite often, it is the retail investors that are left holding the rotten sack of potatoes.
SHS: What are some of the ways these not-so credible companies cook their books?
LF: A very common thing in China is off-the-books loans. These are actually loans that the companies take from underground illegal banks because their official loan limit has been reached or their business don't qualify for bank loans. These are not reflected in the books. Overstated revenues, that is another common trick to make the company seem as if it has a huge market share. Some listing companies even show lawyers and accountants a factory with the company's signboard and employees wearing uniforms complete with paperwork, but actually the factory belonged to a friend and they are just putting on a show. If you go on an unarranged visit, you would see the signboard is different and the workers are wearing another uniform!
SHS: So I heard a lot about the PRC entertainment scene. Can you share some of the experiences?
LF: If there is female colleague in the team, we would just go for an expensive dinner and drinks in a restaurant. The host would usually serve something exotic and no matter how tasty they described it to be, it is quite awful. Snakes, insects, chicks and something like a cross between a beaver and a rat are some of the things I have tasted.
If there are no female colleagues, we would go to a ktv night club with girls after dinner. Usually we would take the cue of our boss, if he plays then we will all play. Some bosses will play with the nightclub girls to show the Chinese clients that he is macho, but they won't bring the girl back to the hotel. If I am the most senior guy there, I would be a gentleman in the nightclub but bring the naughty girl back to the hotel room. No sexual acts are performed in the night club because we must appear professional even though I am sure all the Singaporean dick heads in the room are fucking wet. But there is a lot of teasing and touching going on. Being able to hold your liquor and still talk sense and crack dirty jokes is quite essential.
SHS: So if a female colleague is around, why do you find entertainment after work?
Usually my favorite is to go to PRC spa and massage parlous Their service is fantastic. The staff will help you to change your clothes and shoes. The facilities include hot bathe, back scrub, jacuzzi, steam bathe, sauna. The services include manicure, pedicure, foot reflexology, ear candling and they serve Chinese, Japanese, and Western food. And the massage is fantastic, it is a serious massage plus the basic hand job and some can even let you fuck for a fee in your own private room. Their service is always warm and enthusiastic. They also provide those special massage where the girl glide all over you, catbath I think they call it, but I am not a big fan.
If you're tired, you can always get a call-girl to go up to your hotel room, just tell the bell-hop and they will arrange for you. The rates can go from RMB1000 to RMB3000 for a night's fun depending on how pretty/popular the girl is. Again, their service is fabulous, not like the Singapore paid sex experience where they just treat it as a transaction (although it is!), the girls in PRC are warm and eager to serve. Like meeting a girlfriend or fuck buddy who is really horny and wants to be pleasured. If you're in the mood, you can have two at one go.
SHS: Any sexual encounters with female colleagues when you go overseas?
LF: Yes, actually but not as frequent as I would prefer. And surprisingly, it is not the younger lawyers who are the most liberal. The young ones are hardworking and will go back to their hotel room to finish their work. Those fun seekers (and horny ones), are usually those who are married and have children. MILFs! I think it is because a lawyer's job is stressful and we work rather long hours. Over time, many female lawyers lose the physical or carnal connection with their spouse. It only becomes a habit to be with their spouse but they no longer desire them sexually. For those with children, it's even worse because their emotions are heavily invested with their children leaving a convenient void in terms of physical fulfillment.
Usually, after a few drinks and aimless banter laced with sexual innuendos, it is possible to get laid. The best part is because they're married, it is a mutual and amicable parting after the physical needs have been satisfied. Some continue the affair after we head back to Singapore but most of the time we just go back to being normal colleagues, which is great.
SHS: Any plans to settle down? You are doing well in your career but surely there is this part of you that wants to build your home?
LF: I have been through this internal debate many times before and over the years I think I am more convinced that I am quite unsuitable for marriage. I quite enjoy the life of a bachelor and I really relish having a new partner every now and then. Currently, I have a gf in her mid-20s that is ten years younger than me. I “prey” on younger girls when I am looking for a gf because I am mature and financially stability so maybe that's why they're attracted to me. Honestly, many young Singapore girls are quite materialistic. Or maybe they think I am smart and wise since I am lawyer, well-read and can hold a conversation, when in fact I am bull-shitting half the time. But I always tell them marriage is not on the cards and we should take each year as it comes to see where our relationship develops (I hope they get the hint).
SHS: Any parting advice for our readers?
Hmmm...just wanna say throughout my decade of decadence I have realized that a large majority of men are genetically meant to be polygamous. Most men cannot help but fuck multiple women even when they're married. Monogamy is an oppressive regime placed upon us by western civilization and the sanctity of marriage is just a way to justify it.